Let There Be Light!

To bring you up to speed to where I currently am religiously, I consider myself Jewish. When I met my husband, he was Jewish. I was not Jewish then. Also, we both were/are Atheists. I had dated an Orthodox Jew (now THAT’S a wild tale for another post- mostly because he was also a cage fighter into MMA) towards the end of college, so it wasn’t anything unfamiliar. (Is it bad to admit that I’m actually leery of dating Christians?) I’m not trying to be religionist, if that's a thing you can be while dating. But I'm not sure if it is? Inclusion is necessary, but when you’re sussing out who you’re going to marry, you want to be sure you’re on the same page, in all of the ways. I think for me, it’s more about what Christianity has come to represent in America; it’s become this hateful, political, evangelical thing. And if I see a reference to Jesus Christ on your dating profile- it’s NEXT! (But that’s for another blog post, and maybe I’ll be proven wrong throughout the course of this project!)

But back to the happy couple. We had a lovely Jewish wedding; complete with the usual traditions- the signing of the ketubah, the chuppah, the glass smashing, etc. And we’re raising our kids to be Jewish- (even though we’re both Atheists,) so I guess that makes us cultural Jews (not spiritual Jews,) which basically just means we celebrate the high holidays with our friends. Although *technically,* I’m not even Jewish, because I never converted for the wedding.

I was planning to, but then the very first sentence I read, in the very first book I was given, to start the conversion process literally said- “If you want to be Jewish, you have to believe in God.” So I wasn’t off to a great start… If I’m being honest, I don’t think I’ve ever really believed in God. Not at any point in my life- at least not the “bible” version of God.

Now, Max’s family was quick to "pooh pooh" that statement. They assured me that I could ABSOLUTELY convert to Judaism without believing in God. They were, (or at least Max and I were) firmly in the camp of non-believers. But Max’s family also didn’t care if I didn’t convert, so there was no pressure whatsoever. In fact, Max’s mom didn’t convert until Max was going through his Bar Mitzvah at age 13. (Awww, you guys, he had an accordion player and EVERYTHING.)

It seems to be true, what they say about converting to Judaism, and asking three times. Jews are the chosen people, and *news flash,* they do NOT want you. I felt like Charlotte in Sex and the City. (Has anyone else noticed that this show did NOT age well?) One Friday, (after we were married, cuz I had Lyra at this point,) her and I were the only mommy/daughter duo to show up for Tot Shabbat. Well, I was about to be busted pretty hard, during the sung prayer section, when the rabbi realized I didn’t actually know the Hebrew or the words I was singing along to, and that I just kind-of faked it with the other parents. (But I had no one to hide behind this time!) Hoping to spare myself some embarrassment up front, I immediately confessed that I wasn’t the Jewish parent of the party, but I was hoping to convert! Not gonna lie- I fully expected the rabbi to give me some materials, or invite me to a meeting in her office, or something. Nothing. Nada. We never spoke of it again. Apparently, I needed to ask two more times to get it going. (I guess they needed to see I was truly serious- and apparently I wasn’t, cuz I didn't care enough to ask twice more.)

Nowadays, the Judaism in the family is hanging on by a thin thread anyway, because the whole gang is very liberal, and extremely pro-Palestine, which is… Making the ol’ family friend gatherings for Passover and Yom Kippur awkward at best. I still consider myself to be Jewish, though, just like I consider myself to be Native American. I had a Jewish wedding, and I’m raising my kids to be Jewish. (Since I’m comparing it to how I relate to my native heritage; similarly, my mom (and her side of the family) live on the Rez, and I’m currently in the process of enrolling my family as full tribal members.) Yet when people look at me, all they see is a white person. Because I’m white passing, and I look super Irish. (To be fair, I have a lot of Irish blood on both sides.) But do I, personally, have any cultural touch point with being Irish? Much less than I do with being Jewish, or Native American.

Identity- what is it? Do WE get to choose how we identify? Do other people? Sometimes it sure feels like it's the world that chooses for us. (Oooh, that felt very Carrie Bradshaw.) That's a big topic, though, so let’s leave it there, for today. It seems like another blog post!