Bodhisattva

I may have mentioned that this month I was focusing on Buddhism, because (of all the religions) it interested me the most. I may also have mentioned that (per my project requirements, which I had set upon myself.) I was also required to read one book per religion each month.

Well, being my first month and all, I wanted to start small. (With a children's book I could buy at Target for 30% off, apparently.) "Big Panda and Tiny Dragon" by James Norbury (he has other books that I presume are equally as charming.) This book is a delight, and I highly recommend it! I recall reading "The Tao of Pooh," in high school, and would say this is comparable, except perhaps even easier, and more cute. It's the tale of two friends, following a winding path through the seasons of a year together. Their road often goes nowhere, they get lost a bunch, and they drink a lot of tea- but that's kind-of the point of Buddhism, isn't it? To never become so focused on the end result that you lose sight of the journey. To always be present in the moment (hence why meditation is such an important part of the practice.)

 And- BONUS! When Kofi got home from school, I showed it to her and she read the whole thing in a half hour, loved it, and spent the rest of the night trying to ride around on my back like I was Big Panda and she was Tiny Dragon. One can only hope that some of the centuries-old wisdom rubbed off on her. The illustrations throughout the story are sweet, and every single page contains some type of nugget of truth, or grain of wisdom.

Speaking of my kids, Lyra is actually one of the reasons I'm doing this project. For the last couple of years, her interest in religion and spirituality has been piqued. Now, Max and I give her very different answers when she asks questions about heaven, hell, and the like. Max: "It doesn't exist." Me: Launches into a long-winded explanation about how different religions believe different things, and it's up to her to decide what she believes...

I invited her to attend a Buddhist service with me that my friend, Kelsey, had told me about. The organization Clouds in Water Zen Center is really close to my house, they have a lot of events, and they seem super progressive. Best of all, I already knew the chant- "Nam Myoho Renge Kyo" because when I lived in Chicago, my college buddy, Ryan, taught it to me. I wasn't ready to participate then, but I am now. (Turns out these guys just chant in English, though- so the joke's on me!)

I was actually only attending the service upstairs, in the privacy of my own home, on zoom. (Since Kelsey has small children, she says that's easiest for her.) That's a pretty cool option for someone just dipping their toes in, I thought, much less intimidating. As it was Sunday morning, and Lyra was already nose deep in her tablet, either watching youtube or playing roblox, she was not interested in joining. I found the length of the service to be a little intimidating. 2-2.5 hours. (Remember- I come from a Catholic background, and they keep that mass snappy! It's usually an hour or less, cuz like I mentioned before, it's a flock of fair weather fans...) 

It was nice- it was interesting. There was a chanting portion, a silent meditation portion, a "talk," (and a talk-back about the "talk.") Best believe that Catholics are not allowed to share their thoughts and opinions about the sermon. In fact, Catholics sure as shit aren't allowed to talk during mass, unless it's to recite the appropriate memorized prayers at the correct intervals. (Ok, there's this one part, where you briefly get to greet your neighbor and be like- "peace be with you!" but they keep your voice on lockdown. Even the babies aren't allowed to cry, and they have to go to a special soundproof room called the "cry room," where the priest's voice is piped in. Because heaven forbid, a baby act like a HUMAN. The shame indoctrination starts young, people. 

Anyway, back to Buddhism. At the end of the program, there were announcements; but those got a bit lengthy, so once we hit the two-hour mark, I dipped. ALTHOUGH I must admit that I was extremely entertained watching the good people of this very progressive congregation try and be Buddhist about the ways in which they were taking on the Trump administration through the Center's volunteer work. The orange goblin manages to ruffle even the calmest Buddhist feathers. 

My final takeaway is that I think it would be good for me to attend in person, in the future. (And yes, I think there's a future for me in Buddhism.) But there's a reason I don't take any of my therapy appointments over zoom. The very act of driving there, and making the effort to show up in person, makes the whole thing seem more like an EVENT worthy of my time and attention. Otherwise I find myself getting distracted at home, my attention pulled in a million different directions...

The meditating is a good example of that. I may or may not have checked my phone a couple of times during the silent meditation portion of the program, which I NEVER would've done under the pressure of being in a room with other people. (If I'm being honest- I may have even completed an entire "check-in" exercise for my BBL group during the time I was supposed to be meditating.) Y'all- I am TRYING to learn how to shut it down and meditate. I am trying to have a daily meditation practice, but it is a STRUGGLE for me. But it must be a struggle for everyone, right? To meditate in our fast-paced, monkey-mind world where productivity is rewarded and doing nothing seems incomprehensible? Guided meditations on Spotify help- they give me something to do, something to focus on. And I LOVE doing emotional clearing in lieu of meditating. I suppose this is my cue that the time has come in which I really need to actually write that blog post on emotional clearing... See next blog post.