My Journey with ED

It's hard to pinpoint exactly why or when an eating disorder begins. For most girls, it's during their teen years, and I'm no different. Mine is different from the classics; anorexia or bulimia, which is what people typically think of when they imagine an eating disorder. There are many more than just those, though, in case you were wondering. There's one where you compulsively overexercise. There's one called ARFID (which stands for Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) and it has to do with not being ABLE to eat due to sensory issues surrounding food. It affects a lot of autistic and SPD (sensory processing disorder) kids. My eating disorder is binge eating disorder- and it's actually pretty common.

Binge eating disorder is when you use food as a coping mechanism, and it becomes an addiction. It's about emotional eating, and yo-yo dieting, (so there's a restrictive side to it as well.) The biggest difference between it, and bulimia, is that you don't purge. For many years, it was lumped with the other "extra" eating disorders in the DSM under Eating Disorder NOS, (which means Not Otherwise Specified.) In the DSM 5, it finally got its own category. You might be thinking- "well, shit, food is MY vice too, I overindulge sometimes and use it as a reward, or to numb my feelings." And you could be right. 90% of us have disordered eating; but only 10% of those have an eating disorder. Congrats if you're part of the 10% minority of Americans who eat completely normally. It's tough in our society- where we're bombarded with unrealistic appearance expectations by the media and social media. Then- (as a double whammy;) we may live in a food desert where the less nutritious options are the cheapest and most readily available (or only available option.)

An Angry Rant

"It's 2025, and we don't talk about people's bodies." This is my go-to line. Whether it's to remind my in-laws to nix the commentary about an actress while we're watching the Oscars, or to tell someone to fuck off in a roundabout way, if they're inquiring about my own weight loss- this is a belief that's very important to me, and I consider it my sacred duty to impart this wisdom to my children. This is not the 90s, and we don't need to dissect other people's appearances. Mind your own business.

I had a friend who lost a lot of weight because she was extremely sick. Doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with her beyond some combination of IBS and pelvic floor issues. Throw some food allergies and inflammation issues into the mix, and she was struggling to both eat, and use the toilet. She was utterly miserable, and super anxious. And the more anxious she became, the worse her issues got. It was like a snake eating its tail. She told me one day that she was in so much pain, she had a sudden impulse to drive her car into a tree. It was a terrible time, so I tried to be supportive and spend time with her, however I could. One day we were at Costco together, and we ran into a mutual friend. That friend hadn't seen her and was like- "Oh my god! You look amazing. What are you doing?" Soooo awkward- cuz... "Actually, I've been really sick." (Not that it's any of your business.) Can you imagine putting your foot in your mouth like that!? "Well, it's the cancer, turns out it's great for the diet!"