Outer Voice

This entire blog was originally (supposed to be) about "inner voice," so here's a post specifically about my outer voice. My voice teacher (the high school one with the good advice, not the abusive college one) gave me the opportunity to write this excerpt for her upcoming book, (am I a real writer, y'all?!) and I couldn't be more honored, so I'm posting what I wrote here as well- because it just ties in so perfectly with my blog. The prompt is about how voice lessons taught me to develop my actual voice (like, out in the world,) and how minority (women's) voices are often suppressed (or something like that.) I'm just going to write about some of my experiences honestly, and see what comes out.

Growing up, I loved to sing. Even better, I knew I COULD sing, because I got a lot of external validation. "You have a beautiful voice," they told me. (Ahh, external validation, that double-edged sword. I'm going to have to do a blog post just about that.) The problem with being told that- is all of a sudden, you start to pay attention to the voices around you- and you start to compare. You notice the beautiful ones, and you want your voice to sound like that. Because now you have expectations to fill, and you don't want to let anyone down! And you start to crave another hit of that sweet nectar- those compliments, that applause.

Start with One Simple Thing...

My first assignment was to spend a week making at least one decision per day by using my inner voice (iv.) The first day didn’t go well- as in- I arrived at the end of the day feeling as if there just hadn’t been any decisions for me TO make… But that couldn’t possibly be true, could it? Weren’t we faced with millions of choices as human beings every single day?

So I conferred with my life coach and she told me to ask my iv to pick out which mug I was going to drink my coffee out of the following morning. (Well, the joke’s on her, because I don’t drink caffeine!) But her point stands, that my day is made up of hundreds of micro-decisions that I’m not even paying attention to. I have a tendency to make snap, gut decisions (they happen so quickly I don’t even realize I’m making them.) This is actually pretty on brand for me because sacral is my authority in my human design chart. (No idea what that last sentence meant? Don’t worry- I’ll do a blog post on human design in a hot minute.)

What is the Year of Pink?

It all started with hiring a life coach. I never thought I would indulge myself in such a frivolous manner; it seemed financially irresponsible, and slightly embarrassing to boot. And I still haven’t brought up the price tag of this six-month program with my husband, lest he lecture me about “tightening our belts during economic uncertainties ahead.” Ah well- his money is his, and mine is mine.

And yet- AND YET, the project is just beginning, but working with this life coach has already kicked off the greatest year of self-improvement of my life, so I’ve taken to this blog to record it.

For what audience? Unclear- I have no idea at this point if I’m even going to hit publish. (Obviously if you’re reading this, I did, indeed, decide to hit publish.) Perhaps I’ll just keep polishing entries like tumbled gem stones, only to determine they’ve never become smooth enough for publication into the wider world. Instead, I’ll just keep it all for myself, like a dragon hoarding her treasure; these recollections of my journey.