Growth vs Fixed Mindset

I mentioned that I would write a post about "the weight of other's expectations." But what I really meant was that I would write a post about the fate of GT (gifted and talented program) kids from the 90s- and why we're all depressed, have anxiety (or late diagnosed ADHD, or whatever your particular constellation of mental disorders happen to be.) I often joke that as a child I was a regular Doogie Howser, M.D. There's a meme that says- going as Former Gifted Child for Halloween, and the whole costume is just gonna be people asking- "What are you supposed to be?" And me saying- "I was supposed to be a lot of things..."

So the real question is- what happened to all of us!? Well, we're either doctors or burned-out disappointments, there's no in-between. When did things go awry? (Not that there's anything wrong with a career as a flight attendant- it's a perfectly respectable job that merely requires a high school diploma.) But when exactly did my big brain just shrivel up and die- never to accomplish any of the great tasks expected of me? My third grade teacher told my mom I was going to graduate as valedictorian (and that didn't happen- so this shit was already going awry by high school, clearly.) My friends who signed my high school yearbook expected to "see me performing on Broadway."

The Ick

So when did Christianity first give me "the ick?" And why am I such a hater that if I hear you say something about- "our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ," I start to cringe inwardly? I can probably track the exact moment, if I squint hard enough. As I mentioned before, Catholicism was always a struggle for me, and they were the original Christians. But Catholics aren't "Christians," if you catch my drift. Not the weird ones. Not the ones who made me pray around the flag pole my sophomore year of high school. Let me set that scene for you. I was innocently trying to make my way to my 0-hour typing class, (at the very UNgodly hour of 7am,) when I was accosted.

"Hey Colleen! HEY! Stand here with us. Something really cool is about to happen." (Observe how they wouldn't just TELL me what was going to happen, they had to spring it on me, like a trap. It was giving Hun-trying-to-sneak-a-pyramid-scheme-past-me-energy.)

I 100% would've blown them off, too, and told them I had to get to class (cuz what cool thing could possibly be happening around a flag pole at 7am?) BUT they had weaponized my crush against me. This was my first gay crush (he was gay, not me) in a series of five, truly debilitating gay crushes that would carry on throughout my college career. (Obviously another topic for another blog post.) The first, (and definitely the most obvious.) However, as a sixteen year old in the 90s, he was neither out, nor had I yet to develop my razor sharp "gay-dar' which was going to need a LOT of honing apparently, but after all that I've been through, trust me, it is now finely HONED.

A Real Pain

Unsurprisingly, we never went to shul. That could be the name of our collective, family biography. Truly, it sums up the entirety of the Schwartz Jewish experience over the course of my married life. We just didn't quite manage to get our shit together. It was a crazy, busy June. There was Max's family reunion mid-month, and Lyra's dance trip to Disney World at the end of the month, which meant we were on vacation for nearly half of the month. (Can't complain about that!)

However, Max's family reunion DID provide some great Jewish learning opportunities for the family, as we were interfacing with the more devout side of Max's family- the East Coast Jews. We met a rabbi- who happened to be a long-lost cousin of Max's father, who we only discovered recently through ancestry.com. (There was an entire branch of the family unbeknownst to Ralph because apparently his mom just ran away from home and created an entirely new identity, then died without ever telling anyone her true background story...) So anyway, he's recently reunited with these cousins, and we got to meet the New Jersey contingent.