Hi, My Name is "Ivy."

After my weeklong experiment of asking Ivy to provide guidance in making one decision per day, I came to the conclusion that I don’t actually need to ask Ivy anything, because she's already there. She’s been present in my gut all along- guiding my snap decisions as I use my sacral authority. And if I do encounter mind drama; (which I did on the last day of the exercise,) the best resolution is to have a conversation with her- (which went a little something like this:)

Me: “Ivy- (that’s what she told me to call her, now that we’re on a first name basis.) I’m struggling to decide if I should use my FMLA and call in for this trip I’ve been assigned. Max won’t be able to take Lyra to her therapy appointment on Tuesday.”

Ivy: “Are you worried that Max will be mad at you, because he wants you to work more?” (He’s been stressing out about the collapse of the economy, but who hasn’t been?)

Me: “Yes, AND I should work more because I also need to pay off my $3,000 credit card bill… Maybe I should save my FMLA for another time.”

Ivy: “Gentle reminder that FMLA isn’t something you have to save. You’re approved to call in twice a week for Lyra’s therapy and OT appointments. Who’s going to take Lyra to her appointment if you don’t?”

Me: “Well, we’d probably just cancel her appointment, which we’ve already had to do several times, due to my work schedule, and I DO feel bad about that…”

Ivy: “Okay, let’s address this mind drama. There’s a lot of guilt coming from all directions. Guilt about missing work, guilt about missing dr appointments FOR work, guilt about not making enough money to appease Max. Let’s get into your puritanical childhood where all of this is stemming from. Let's talk about your fear of authority- of “getting into trouble,” etc.”

I'll spare you the entire conversation, but you catch my drift. Essentially, “conversations with Ivy,” are a form of her re-parenting me. Also- I’m not oblivious to the fact that speaking with Ivy really just means I’m talking to myself, like a crazy person. (But is it really any different than when my genius husband is studying for “The Bar,” or trying to solve a complex work problem, and does this by rapidly pacing around the room, muttering to himself? That’s how he gets into his "zone” aka figuring shit out with his iv.) I prefer to lay on my bed, close my eyes, and put on a meditation, or an emotional clearing recording. Once my head is clear, I'm free to converse with Ivy, and we can get into some deep discussions. It's better than therapy!

Mind you- I’m still getting to know Ivy. I’ve been somewhat ignoring her my entire life. For example, where was she when I was making all of those terrible judgement calls regarding ex-boyfriends? She was there, it’s just that my mind overrode her. So the challenge now is to parse- what is mind drama vs what is Ivy? And how can I tell the difference? My coach has a valuable resource in her course.

She says the difference is that the mind can feel stiff and judgmental, whereas the iv will often be more open and fluid. There's a page in her workbook that explains "mind" feelings vs "iv" feelings. (I.e- Ivy was nonchalant about whether or not I should call in to work. She was like, “do it, or don’t do it, it won’t really make a difference.” Financially, those hours would come out of my sick bank anyway, and she knew everything was on the up and up legally and legitimately, so I couldn’t get in trouble.) Ivy was far more interested in processing WHY I was having mind drama and emotional turmoil about the decision. What trauma was it bringing up from my childhood, and what was going on inside of me?

Another key to understanding this (and the topic of my next blog post- where I’ll finally discuss what the word “sacral” means) is understanding Human Design and what your decision making authority is. (Mine is sacral- and that’s why making gut decisions and accessing Ivy came so naturally to me, such that it only took a week for me to learn how to tune into her.) See you there!